


I'd ruffle your hair if it was yours

by AnxiouslyDreaming, rizythewriter



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, added scene, doesn't go into the actual mission at all, it huuuuuurts, jean and armin have a conversation while dressing for their undercover mission, spoilers for chapter 53
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-08 00:05:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1125977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiouslyDreaming/pseuds/AnxiouslyDreaming, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rizythewriter/pseuds/rizythewriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“H-hey, you know I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, right? It's not a...like a macho thing, I'm not...trying to prove anything, I just-”</p><p>Armin placed his hand over the one on his cheek and nuzzled into it, a little of the worry easing from between his brows. “Shh. I know, I know.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd ruffle your hair if it was yours

**Author's Note:**

> Mel and I absolutely could not handle the latest chapter, so we wrote this. Still not sure if it makes it worse or better.

They had been mostly quiet since receiving the orders that Captain Levi immediately burned. All of them had.

Jean was sitting on the edge of the bed in the room where he and Armin were changing, wig and shirt beside him. Head bowed in silence as he pulled his boots on and laced them, he paused and shot a tentative glance the other's way before finding his voice. “I don't... I don't think...”

Armin finished buttoning up Historia's shirt and frowned down at his flat chest before looking up at Jean, keeping his voice more steady than he could keep his shaking hands. “You don't think what?”

Jean took note of the shaking and knotted one of the boots more aggressively than he intended, sighing before beginning work on the other. He averted his eyes. “I don't think this shit is going to work. I have a bad feeling.”

The blond frowned and sat beside him, pulling on a knee-length boot and beginning to lace it up. “Captain Levi and Mikasa will be there; you know they're worth twenty each of anything we might run into. Besides, Historia and Eren are valuable. They won't want to hurt us.”

Jean flinched a little at the reasoning and shook his head vehemently, tugging his own shirt off and reaching for the button-up beside him. “I just--yeah they're probably not gonna...kill us, but. They could hurt us.” He swallowed audibly. “They-they could hurt you, they could-fuck, I said I wasn't doing this shit again. I can't shake it, all right?”

Armin squeezed Jean's knee briefly, eyes down, then pulled on the other boot. “I- we just have to trust that Commander Erwin knows what he's doing.”

Jean slid the shirt on over his shoulders and fumbled with the buttons for a minute, gathering his nerve. “What if I'm expendable? That's-that's why I'm Eren's fucking decoy day in and day out.”

“You're not.” Armin's response was sudden and harsh, his fingers frozen on the boot. “You are invaluable, Jean.” He took a shuddering breath. “You're no more expendable than I am. But we _are_ both...” He knotted the laces and considered his words carefully. “You're not the key to life outside the walls, and I'm not the heir to a grand conspiracy within them. So we are a touch more expendable than... certain others.”

Jean's fingers had frozen on the third button up and he tilted his head listlessly, a mixture of defeat and understanding. “There are bigger fish to fry than us.” Bitterness colored his voice. “Got it. I...” He grabbed the wig and turned toward a mirror stiffly, taking greater care to conceal his hair than last time. Under his breath, he murmured, “Protect Eren. That's what this is now, right? Can't forget.”

Armin began tucking his hair into a net carefully and allowed the tense silence to stretch between them until he released a held breath and admitted in a very small voice, “I'm scared too.”

Jean's back straightened a little and he tried to distract himself by looking at his ridiculous reflection, eyes finally just barely flitting over his shoulder to Armin. “I know,” he said weakly. “'Can tell.”

A puff of air left the blond's lips, barely a laugh. “I figured.”

Jean turned to face him fully and almost apologetically, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing instinctively. “N-no, I don't mean like-you're really holding yourself together well. I just. Know you. I'm perceptive.” He let his eyes wander the room before stretching his neck out. “You're shaking.”

Armin finished tucking his hair into the net and plucked Jean's hand from his shoulder, pressing his lips to the other's palm and offering him a wordless, shaky smile. Jean's other hand shot out to cup Armin's cheek and he suddenly mustered the most determined look possible, lowering his voice to a hush. “H-hey, you know I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, right? It's not a...like a macho thing, I'm not...trying to prove anything, I just-”

Armin placed his hand over the one on his cheek and nuzzled into it, a little of the worry easing from between his brows. “Shh. I know, I know.”

Jean leaned down a little closer and exhaled a shaky breath, closing his eyes, half reassuring Armin and half reassuring himself. “You're not going anywhere. Neither of us. Nobody. Not right now. This will...” He sat up suddenly and cleared his throat, steeling himself with a humorless laugh. “Dunno why the fuck I'm doing this again.”

“Because you're a soldier, same as me.” Armin patted the hand on his face and reached for the long blonde wig, pulling it over his scalp carefully. “And because you trust Commander Erwin to know what he's doing.”

“Right. Right. I gotta...” Jean furrowed his brow and withdrew his hand slowly, turning back to the mirror and double-checking his getup with mild distaste, not feeling convincing in the least bit as he grazed the wig. “...gotta trust you guys.”

Armin combed his fingers through the wig, wrapping a tie around the longest strands to imitate Historia's customary ponytail, and stepped to Jean's side, making eye contact through the mirror before he spoke. “Trust me. Trust _me_ , Jean, that we'll make this plan work.” He turned to face him. “All right?”

Jean watched Armin's reflection carefully in the mirror, narrowed eyes glistening a bit but his brow remaining intense in thought before he gave him a weak smile and lowered his eyes to his feet, shuffling them against the wood a little. “Yeah. I trust you. I'll...I'm gonna do it. For Eren.” He quickly turned to Armin, flicking the ponytail behind him gently. “And Chr...” He winced. “Hi-sto-ria? Still not...used to that...”

Armin smiled gently. “Yeah, things like that take time.” He swallowed and took a step back, twirling so the skirt swished around his legs. “How do I look?”

Jean looked at him fondly, managing a genuine half-smile. “You look perfect. Seriously, I...I'd be fooled.”

The grin Armin returned was just as fond. “And I wouldn't, but luckily you're not trying to fool any of us. Just people who have never seen Eren before.”

Jean snorted a little and rolled his shoulders, cocking his head. “I don't think I could fool a blind man.”

The grin spread. “What about a blind man who'd never been within fifty feet of Eren before?”

Jean smirked a bit, rolling his eyes to the ceiling and squinting. “Would he even know I'm there? ...Tryna say I stink?”

Armin stepped forward and looped his arms around Jean's waist. “Of course, that's exactly what I'm trying to say. You and Eren stink in _precisely the same way_. The blind man will be fooled! The mission goes off without a hitch.”

Jean sneered down at Armin, trying to maintain some air of disgust at the comparison even though he was clearly amused. “We don't stink! I mean, I don't stink. I-I smell a hell of a lot better than...” He sucked his teeth and sighed in resignation, wrapping his arms around Armin and yanking him brutishly against his chest in an embrace. “I'd ruffle your hair if it was yours.”

The smaller boy breathed through his nose and blinked back a few tears that had welled, unbidden, in his eyes. “I know.”

Jean gave him a tight squeeze, hearing the slightly adenoidal sound to his voice, and rested his chin ever so gently atop the blonde wig. “Hey, you're fine. You're the smartest guy I know. Just...don't go all super genius on anybody or they'll catch wind quicker. And I'll...” He narrowed his eyes, voice flat at the admission. “...be myself.”

Armin leaned back, arms still around him, and frowned up at the taller boy. “The disguise is only going to work because these people have never seen Eren before, or at least only got a glimpse of him. You're your own person, Jean, and no one sees you as some knockoff of Eren, okay?”

Jean's smile was tight but genuine and he nodded hurriedly, making small circles with his head. “No, no, I know. I know. Thanks, though. Thanks for...a lot.” His fingers tightened against Armin's back before he let go and gave himself another derisive glance in the mirror, smoothing his shirt. “Should probably get going.” He offered his arm bent at the elbow. “Shall we, Historia?” He still looked like the name pained him slightly.

“Don't mind if I do.” Armin glanced over his own reflection quickly, and slipped his hand into the crook of Jean's elbow, walking with him to the door. Before Jean could open it, he tugged at his arm, unable to meet his eyes. “Kiss me once before we go?”

Jean stopped dead in his tracks at the request and seemed to be weighing a myriad of outcomes in his head, expelling a heavy breath before he murmured, “Y-yeah.” His hand tight on the doorknob and his heart in his throat, he leaned down and placed a chaste but firm kiss to Armin's lips. The shorter boy made a small, desperate noise as he leaned in, hand gripping at Jean's arm.

The kiss wasn't electric. It was raw, and painful, and far too brief; and when Armin pulled back he offered Jean a smile with eyes that were a bit too bright. “Okay. Let's go.”


End file.
